Co-Regulation: How You and Your Pet Can Calm Each Other's Nervous Systems

Have you ever noticed how your anxiety seems to affect your pet? Or how spending time with your animal companion can dramatically reduce your stress levels after a difficult day? This isn't just your imagination—it's a powerful phenomenon called co-regulation, and understanding it can transform the way you and your pet support each other emotionally.

What Is Co-Regulation?

Co-regulation refers to the way two nervous systems influence and respond to each other. Originally studied in the context of parent-child relationships, this concept applies beautifully to the human-animal bond as well.

"Animals and humans are constantly reading and responding to each other's nervous system states," explains Amalia Reeves, licensed acupuncturist and founder of PAWS to Heal Together. "When we recognize this influence, we can harness it intentionally to create a positive feedback loop of calm and connection."

In simple terms: your emotional state affects your pet, and your pet's emotional state affects you. This mutual influence can either amplify stress or promote healing, depending on how we manage it.

The Science Behind Nervous System Attunement

Our bodies are constantly sending signals about our emotional states through:

• Breath patterns (fast and shallow vs. slow and deep)

• Heart rate (which animals can often sense)

• Muscle tension (especially in our face and body posture)

• Voice tone and volume

• Scent changes due to stress hormones

Animals are exceptionally attuned to these subtle cues. Dogs can detect the scent of adrenaline and cortisol (stress hormones), while many species can hear heart rates change. They're constantly "reading" our emotional states, often more accurately than we recognize ourselves.

Research at the University of Vienna's Clever Dog Lab demonstrated that dogs not only detect human emotions but experience "emotional contagion"—actually taking on similar emotional states to their owners. This explains why an anxious owner often has an anxious pet, and why calm, centered owners tend to have more balanced animal companions.

When Co-Regulation Goes Wrong: The Stress Spiral

When co-regulation isn't managed consciously, it can create a negative feedback loop:

1. You come home stressed after a difficult day

2. Your pet senses your elevated cortisol and tense muscles

3. They respond with their own stress behaviors (pacing, vocalization, restlessness)

4. Their behavior further increases your stress

5. The cycle continues, amplifying anxiety for both of you

Many behavioral issues in companion animals trace back to this unconscious cycle of stress amplification. The good news? Once you understand the pattern, you can interrupt it.

Harnessing the Power of Positive Co-Regulation

With awareness and simple practices, you can transform stress spirals into "regulation spirals" where calm and wellbeing are mutually reinforced:

1. The Reset Ritual

Before interacting with your pet after a stressful day:

• Take 60 seconds in your car or entryway

• Place one hand on your heart, one on your belly

• Take 5-6 deep, slow breaths

• Visualize releasing the day's tension

• Only then greet your animal companion

This simple practice allows you to shift your nervous system before you influence your pet's state.

2. Synchronized Breathing

When your pet is resting near you:

• Place your hand gently on their ribcage

• Feel their natural breathing rhythm

• Gradually sync your breath with theirs

• Continue for 3-5 minutes

This practice helps regulate both nervous systems and deepens your connection.

3. Grounding Touch

Touch that is slow, intentional, and present has a regulating effect on both giver and receiver:

• Use long, slow strokes down your pet's back

• Maintain consistent, gentle pressure

• Keep your movements rhythmic and predictable

• Focus fully on the sensation in your hands

Research shows this type of mindful touch reduces stress hormones and increases oxytocin in both humans and animals.

4. Vocal Toning

Your voice is a powerful regulator for animals who are naturally attuned to sound:

• Use low, slow humming or gentle singing

• Create consistent, rhythmic sounds

• Allow your pet to feel the vibrations through your body

• Notice how the sound affects your own nervous system too

Special Considerations for Different Species

While co-regulation principles apply broadly, different species respond to different approaches:

Dogs

Dogs are highly attuned to facial expressions and vocal tones. They respond well to:

• Eye contact (soft gaze, not staring)

• Verbal reassurance in a calm, low voice

• Physical containment (gentle pressure like a hug or weighted blanket)

Cats

Cats often prefer:

• Respectful distance during initial regulation

• Slow blinking (the "cat kiss")

• Quiet presence without direct attention

• Permission to approach on their terms

Horses

As prey animals, horses are exquisitely sensitive to human nervous systems and respond well to:

• Regulated breathing exercises while in their presence

• Grounded, centered body posture

• Clear, consistent energy

• Shared quiet activities like grooming

Creating a Co-Regulation Practice

For lasting benefits, incorporate co-regulation into your daily routine:

1. Morning connection: Begin the day with 3-5 minutes of quiet presence with your pet

2. Transition rituals: Use brief regulation practices when coming home or before leaving

3. Evening unwinding: End the day with synchronous breathing or gentle touch

4. During stressful events: Practice conscious regulation during thunderstorms, vet visits, or other challenging times

When More Support Is Needed

Sometimes, despite our best efforts, either human or animal nervous systems need additional support. There's no shame in seeking help from:

• A holistic veterinarian for your animal companion

• A somatic therapist or mental health professional for yourself

• Classes and workshops that teach deeper regulation skills

Learn More with PAWS to Heal Together

At PAWS to Heal Together, we believe in the healing power of the human-animal bond. Through our PAWS to Regulate and PAWS to Breathe programs, we offer comprehensive guidance on co-regulation practices that benefit both you and your animal companions.

Join us to discover how ancient wisdom and modern neuroscience can transform your relationship with the animals you love.

Explore our nervous system courses →

Amalia Reeves is a licensed acupuncturist and founder of PAWS to Heal Together. With over two decades of experience in holistic health and a deep commitment to the human-animal bond, she specializes in teaching cross-species practices that support emotional wellbeing and nervous system regulation for both animals and their human companions.